What's in a Name?

For centuries now the bride has been taking her husband's last name. Just in the past decade has a shift been made to hyphenate or keep your own all for reasons that are justified by both the bride and groom. Career, family lineage, etc. Plus as marriage is happening later in life you have been this one person for 30+ years and it sad to give up that girl you have always been...you are taking on a new identity.

What is astonishing to me is the reaction I get or know my friends get, who have not changed their name or plan to not change. Before you make this face ... stop and listen to her reasons why, perhaps you too will be swayed.

I agree with the philosophy that a bride and groom are creating a new a family unit. In talking with our pre-marital counselor she was supportive of holding on to my last name. She did however, bring up a good point that if at some time down the road I was still reluctant to take my groom's name then there are deeper rooted issues, i.e. trouble leaving your family, stepping away as your mother and sisters have before you :). When she put it that way it made complete sense, I want to keep my identity as I have had for 31 years but I also want to create a family with Derek.

My reason for not changing my name is due to my career and well to be really honest the conversation starter ... your last name is what? how do you spell that? I grew up being so embarrassed by my last name, no one could pronounce it, everyone thought we were in the mafia and my father was the Godfather.

Plus my first name was so long that when they would call role only Stephan Gail Iannazzone showed up so everyone thought I had a boys name! But as the years went on I began to embrace my name, I was proud of it and I made something of myself (plus I used it in the industry when I needed something...sorry Daddy and Pop Pop :)) And now teaching Yoga I am listed as Stephanie I but it looks like Stephaniel on the schedule so again another character builder (some people think they are coming to take a German militants class :))

What was my final decision...well we were at the court register and he asked Derek if he wanted to take my last name ... I actually looked at him like yea do it (his NO was so quick)! So we were going to keep me as me, and then the register tells us it is a huge process to change it down the road and costly. So I went with the hyphen. Yes my last name now has 17 letters (18 including the hyphen!). I use one last name when I am doing certain things and the other last name if I am annoyed with the person on the other end of the phone who can't seem to understand! I love it.

And for all you brides to be wondering how to do go about the craziness of changing your name...get the online kit. It will save you the hassle of remembering it all! And go to the SS office first thing not on a Monday or Friday (this is at least what I have been told). www.kitbiz.com

My name won't officially change until after our honeymoon as I want to use my passport one more time and then I'll do all the paperwork to become Stephanie Gail Iannazzone-Barbour .... now that is a conversation starter!