Everyone who has gotten married and done pre-marital counseling has had the talk about merging finances, future financial plans, etc. Maybe even some of you have had the talk and you are just dating. It was a big deal for me to change my name (see last week's post "What's in a Name"). Now I have to SHARE my money too (eldest children truly have a tough time with sharing!).
In all honesty, I thought this would be easier than the name change (or in my case hyphen), I am now realizing this part of merging as a WE that is the hardest. At 31, I have worked to get where I am. My funds tell a story of my life (or the life since I was financially independent of my Daddy...which on the day I was married he made this clear that I was officially "off the payroll").
There is the story of when I first moved to LA (Manhattan Beach): Hollywood dinners and parties, new hair, new hair products, nails every weekend, shopping, shopping, the hottest bar, group breakfast every Saturday and Sunday, did I mention shopping for the latest style, and crazy gym memberships (gym, yoga fit, Bikram yoga, Pilates, etc. each one with a month or drop in fee). I thought I was one of the rich and famous.
Now the story is I have a savings, I am not in debt to anyone or any card. I still have my expensive gym membership and I do have trainer, and I do have personal shoppers who still call me with the "friends and family" discount. The difference now is: I teach on the side for my "fun" money, I have different funds everywhere: Money Market, Savings, 2 IRA's. Group breakfasts have been traded with breakfast with Derek on the patio reading the paper. My shopping addiction (if you don't believe me read Shopoholic - I was her!) has been replaced with running, cleaning the house, etc.
So when my husband asked me if I would be moving my direct deposit from RAJ over to our joint account, I lost sleep. What do you mean SHARE MY money. I want to control my portion (the oldest child is coming out in me). I am fine with writing him a cheque or wiring the funds from my bank to OUR account. But not having the funds pass through me first, scary ... it is as if I am losing my independence. I was brought up to be so independent and strong and now I am learning to depend on my husband. You truly are no longer dependent on your parents and your safety net has been cast around the man who has promised to have and to hold through good and bad. I believe the scariness of merging accounts and changing names is the loss of the woman you have become. But I gained so much more: a husband who is my best friend!
Perhaps it is easier when you are younger and your identity is still being formed and the story behind your money has not become a story of your life.
Here's to combining the funds...what's yours in mine, what's mine is yours. :)
And if you are looking for a way to track to your spending and budget, set goals, etc. try www.mint.com. I love this website!
Happy Friday.
love this!!!
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